I was thinking ( because rocking a sick child allows you the time to do that, think) about what I have learned during cancer and this is what I have come up with...
Faith is everything. Without it there is no hope.
You don't have to get dressed up to talk to the doctors. Medical decisions can be made just as you are. In your pjs, through a shower curtain, without make up, with out a bra on, with out your eyes open, with your mouth full, with morning breath, through tears and everything in between.
Chemo sucks! No if ands or buts about it.
Children are expensive.
One "I love you mommy" is worth all the money in the world.
The Lord will never leave you...even if he says nothing he is still there.
Patience, patience, patience.
It hurts as much to watch your children suffer as it does to suffer yourself.
If you schedule benadryl at nap time it makes nap time soooo much easier.
Sometimes the best medicine is for someone to just hold you and rock you to sleep.
Sometimes the soul will ache so much you think your heart will not be able to beat again. It is almost an insult to the soul that the heart keeps plodding along. It is then that you realize that they are two separate things bound for different worlds.
Sunshine and fresh air heal the soul.
Never judge anyone. You don't know what they might be enduring.
Everyone has faith shaking experiences. Recognize them and take your concerns to the Lord. If you don't turn to him there is nowhere else to go.
It's funny to hear people tell you you are strong when you know you are not.
You really can gain weight on carnation instant breakfast.
thankful
6 years ago
I think we may be even more connected than you or I think. We are fighting the same battle, just in differant ways. I have felt every emotion you have described, and still feel them daily, weekly, or hourly, depending on the circumstances. I have come to the same conclusions, and written about them in my own journal. However, reading what is in my heart, on your blog, my sister, and her family (who I love as my own), makes me believe even more that we are evidence of there being a God. A body can only handle so much before it breaks. We are all like pencils, being bent, waiting to break; but our souls, our spirits, and what lies beyond, is more powerful than we can ever imagine. We are very lucky to have moments like this, that let us "sit and think". Cherish them forever, let them guide and strengthen you. You are weak, but as you are very aware- your soul is not ready to give up yet, and it does feel like an insult that your heart keeps beating, but at those times we find ourselves. You will survive, you are stronger than any of us here(on Earth) could ever come to understand. Rock that baby boy and cherish the moments you have. The whole world, is out of our hands. I love you (I am hidding in my dark hole, but I have room for you here, anytime). You will get through this. Please let us help, however we can. <3
ReplyDeleteYou can also gain weight on all kinds of m&m's. :)
ReplyDeleteThank you Nikki for that update! I DITTO your entire list!!! I am constantly thinking of you and praying for you and Critter.
ReplyDeleteI was thinking yesterday (about a lot of family and friends situations), "why must we all go through such hardship and trials, over and over and over???" But then the answer quickly came. We all know why (well most of us do that have embraced the gospel). But, it still sucks...and that's ok. We're not required to be perfect right now. This is the refiners fire right?
Hugs,
Becky
:)
ReplyDeleteHang in there!!! we love you so much and pray every night for you guys!!!!!!
I'm so sorry for your pain--and--I feel so blessed to read your insights.
ReplyDeleteYOU are in my thoughts and prayers--good vibes (& hopefully a few miracles) are coming YOUR way, mom.
Critter is lucky to have you for his mom!!! He chose you to be the one to help him through these earthly challenges. I think he made a great choice! You are a wonderful mom to that little guy. You and Critter are in our daily prayers and thoughts. Keep going...... you can do it!
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