Hair is a funny thing. When Critter was first diagnosed they started talking about side effects of chemo. Of course hair loss was top of the list. I remember thinking "who cares if he loses his hair tell me you can cure this and he will live!" We joked about how, because of my employment, I had made sure Critter had a round head and now he could show it off. I remember the first day I realized he was losing his hair. It was about 2 weeks into the treatment and I had gotten over the shock of my kid having cancer and I was just hanging out with my son in the hospital. His hair loss was really hard for me. It was an outward sign of the destruction taking place inside. We hadn't experienced a lot of sickness yet from the chemo and I think I could almost tell myself that he wasn't getting chemo, he never had cancer, he was just a little sick and he would be better soon and heading home. When his hair started falling out it was a deep reminder of what I was putting him through. It was reality of what he had and what we had to do to save him. To me it was heartbreaking.
In the months that followed I loved his bald head. At first I thought he just looked bald, then the cancer look became more apparent. Compared to other kids you could tell he had cancer. I loved his bald head. I loved to rub it, snuggle with it and I thought he was cute bald. Now when I see other cancer kids with bald heads I want to give them a hug. I know what they are going through and how tough they have become. I am so endeared to this little bald community I can't find the words to express it. I love them.
Now Critter has slight peach fuzz all over his head! To me this means the renewal of life, the signs of health returning and although it is now fall and almost winter, spring has returned to our house and with it joy and happiness! Critter has gained more weight at home than he did his whole six months of treatment. His color in his cheeks and face is pink instead of a pale grey. Last week I got the results of his final bone marrow aspirate. The doctor called and told me, we have had 3 lab specialists and 3 doctors review your results. No cancer cells were found anywhere in his marrow! I couldn't thank the doctor enough!
Tuesday October 26, Today, we will get his line removed. I will post pictures. To us this is the final step in our treatment! He will still be on one oral antibiotic for 2 more months as a precaution. The docs say it will take a full 3 months to get all cells at normal levels again. Critter will go back every month for the next 2 years for a check up. They will listen to his heart, weigh him and take one small blood sample, a CBC to make sure the cancer has not returned. The savior truly prepared us and carried us through the last six months in some ways I can say look here is the savior in my life, in other ways I just feel it and know it but could never explain it. I give thanks nightly for the savior carrying us through those difficult times I also pray with every fiber of my being that it doesn't return. I pray that it is not my trial to loose a child. With every bruise I worry. Is it back? Every fever in my mind is a major infection. Should I run to the hospital? I hope time silences these thoughts.
I have spent all week trying to get a good picture of Critter's newly growing hair and I can't get my camera to focus on it so alas we have pumpkin carving pictures of the older boys. I promise to post tomorrow night with pictures of Critter and his clean chest.
